Don’t Worry Be Happy. Or 20 Ways Happy People Remain Happy

If you’ve clicked here after reading the title, hooray for you! I am not sure I’d want to read anything with “Don’t Worry Be Happy” as advice. There are just days that’s easier said than done. Admittedly, some people are born truly content. They have the easy going personality traits that leads them to a life of contentment and joy no matter what Life throws their way. They are genuinely happy with the lemons life gives them as they make lemonade for everyone. While others out there struggle with seeing the bright side or silver lining in some situations. Those easy going people are lucky in the happiness department. Or are they?

The late Heath Ledger once said, “Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career, are married or own a house as if life was some kind of grocery list. But no one asks if you are happy.”

While I hope I would never tell someone to “smile more” or “don’t worry be happy”, I am curious about those who appear perpetually uplifted. If you are struggling, you know there are days you are just trying to make it out of bed and off to work, or to make breakfast for yourself or your family. Daily challenges like keeping the kids from maiming each other, traffic on the way to work, doing dishes day in, day out can just get us down. Some of us are holding on by a thread, just trying to survive until the house is quiet again or we can curl up and sleep*. Or {insert whatever you’re going through here because Life is not easy}. Because Life is not all rainbows and unicorns every day.

I have a friend who is always cheerful and happy. To anyone who will listen she will tell you happiness is “just a choice”. And that every day she “just makes the choice to smile and be happy”. She’s a lovely soul. Yet I am not sure she’d be so quick to tell someone who received a heavy, life threatening diagnosis from a doctor to not worry. Or tell someone who is losing their home to foreclosure that it will all work out for the best. Or tell someone who is struggling with loss to just “choose to be happy” or that “everything happens for a reason”. Ouch. Those are just two heavy duty situations that any human going through might be lead to worry and inevitably bring down their mood.

While I can acknowledge that the average person is hopefully not going through such heavy sh*t, some are, and all I can do is offer them a listening ear, with no advice to give, and a shoulder to lean on. But knowing and listening to my friend and seeing others who have overcome such heavyduty challenges, yet still remain relatively happy, this is what I’ve learned from them:

1. They celebrate the wins, no matter how small.

2. They plan for happiness. At the end of the day, they realize that their attitude builds resiliency. Happiness is a muscle to build.

3. They forget the “grocery list”. You do not have to “be” anywhere at 20 years old or 25 years old. There’s no trophy for being 35 years old and having all material possessions and status symbols because at 45 years old, things can change. Luck has a lot to do with someone’s life outcome.

4. They never compare and despair. They would never look at others and tell themselves they need to be like them. They know they are an unique individual with strengths and super powers that no one else possesses. When you compare yourself to others, you are missing out on your own uniqueness. No one is better than you and you are better than no one.

5. They don’t sweat the small stuff. Things they cannot change are accepted and instead they focus on what they can change.

6. They meditate. They often accept their situation and calm the storm by meditating. Sometimes more than once a day when life is throwing curve balls.

7. They get out in nature as often as possible.

8. They get out of their head and into their body. In “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel van der Kolk, explores how exercise (or movement as I like to call it) can shed stress and build resilience.

9. They practice gratitude. They keep a gratitude journal. They write down daily everything they are thankful for having. Nothing is too small to write down.

10. They give genuine compliments.

11. They have a support network. They surround themselves with people who love and support them unconditionally.

12. They turn off social media.

13. They spend time with real people, whether it’s a phone call, coffee, tea or a walk.

14. They are compassionate to themselves. They are their own best friend.

15. They don’t practice negative self-talk. They learn how to catch negative self-talk and turn it around.

16. They have the pity party, but put a time limit on it. Sometimes feeling sorry for your circumstances, a situation you find yourself in merits a pity party. But only for a specific time, then it’s time to pick yourself up and carry on.

17. They’re not afraid to ask for help. They know that asking for help or even seeking professional help is not a weakness, but a strength. When we ask others for help, we give them the opportunity to feel good about helping us as we all possess altruistic tendencies.

18. They try to create as predictable routine as possible when things get rough. This means they plan a day on the weekend to get out and do an activity.

19. They plan vacations. They realize that all work and no play, does not work towards their goal of happiness

20. They give themselves a break. Perfection might be the enemy of progress, but it also collides with joy.

What about you? Do you have a resilient, happy personality or tricks to share about remaining happy when it’s raining cats and dogs, your umbrella just blew away and you just stepped in a poodle?

*Sign of depression can be continuous low mood, sadness, feelings of hopelessness, irritability or having low self-esteem. If you’re having any of these symptoms or having no motivation or interest in things for more than two weeks or unexplained weight gain or weight loss, I urge you to see your doctor. There is no shame in getting treatment for depression or other medical diagnosis.